Slowly, but surely
by LainellaFay
Summary: Apart or together; either way, they were killing each other. RoyEd


**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist and am not making any profit in any way or form for writing this piece of fiction. Written purely for my own enjoyment - and hopefully - yours too. **

**A/N:** Short, short fic, I would have liked to write a longer piece but brain cramped up and decided to die on me. Eh, I've not actually written much romance-related-angst, or much angst in general, but I love angst, oh gosh, love reading angst. So, I'm not sure how this turned out, but I hope it's alright...

**Warnings: Language, angst, m/m pairing**

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**Slowly...but surely  
**_**By LainellaFay**_

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"Why are we always like this?" Words were said through strangled sobs.

"…I don't know." No, he really didn't know. Why were they always, _always_, fighting? The shouts, the yells, the tears, the _furniture_, really, why were they always like this? He would give _anything_ for the answer—anything but this fragile relationship with his younger lover, because he swear he would _die_ if, if…

"I, I I don't want to be like _this_. Why can't we, why can't we, ever _ever_ be _normal?_"

"_Edward…_"

"No! Don't…don't say my name, please please _please_. I'm goin' to cry if you do, so_ don't_…"

_But you're already crying_, Roy doesn't say. Hawkeye had warned him, he should have known. Getting involved with Edward was going to be the biggest mistake—_greatest pleasure_—of his life. They were like water and fire; complete opposite elements, one can't live with the other. _Fighting, fighting, fighting_ over the silliest, the _smallest_, things—

_Are you sure about Edward, sir?_

—but what could he have done? There was no way—_no way_—he was going to let Edward go. He can't…_god he can't_ live without him; how the hell did he survive over three decades without the touch, the scent, the sound, the sight…of _Edward_?

"I hate you, I hate you, _I hate you_ so much, so much, _fuck_…" Roy squeezed his eyes shut, unable to bring himself to watch his tormented lover bawling his eyes out behind pristine white gloves. He knew the following words before they were spoken: "_I hate—love love love you_." Every time they argued, they repeated this conversation, and every time—_every single time_—Edward repeated that sentence. The words always clawed at Roy's heart, because they reminded him every time…that as much as he couldn't bear to part with Edward…Edward felt the same towards him. It tore him to know that they were both suffering, be it apart or together—because they will _never_ be happy.

Not this way.

"I love you too," Roy mumbled. He heard Ed's breath hitch and he repeated it, his eyes opening once more to look at his lover—soaking in the pain felt by his distraught lover and just feeling his heart _clench_, "I love you."

Ed lowered his trembling hands to his side, his head bowed forwards so his bangs covered his eyes that Roy knew were brimmed red with tears—_oh_, how he wanted to grab him and wipe them away, but he remained rooted to the floor, simply watching, his own emotions shielded by the mask he forged over multiple years in the military. Roy felt a tiny bit of himself _die_ at the way Ed's lips were quivering, teeth biting his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. Roy _hated_ himself for making Ed bleed over him, because he doesn't deserve it—Ed shouldn't, didn't need to—

"I'm leaving." Forget the claws, Roy's heart slammed straight into a brick wall and writhed on the floor upon contact. Ed wouldn't…no…he wouldn't… "I'm leaving. I can't…can't…I'm going to Al. We can't _can't_—"

"No. No. Ed—" Roy reached out with his hand; why did the distance seem so far when they stood less than a metre apart? He wanted to just hold Ed tightly and never, _god, never_ let him go, because he can't, can't…

Ed jerked away and shook his head, beads of tears fell to the floor and he roughly rubbed his eyes with a sniff. "_Don't_ say my name." And Roy just _trembled_. "…I have to. Please _please _Roy—we _can't _continue like this. Roy…"

"We can. Edward, we can. Don't, _please_, don't leave me. _Please_." Roy wants to hold Edward _now_…he needs to know that his lover is there with him because he'll _die_, _die_ and—

"…we're killing each other…"

Roy shook off all of his control and took two quick steps towards Edward and wrapped his arms around the younger man before Edward could make a sound. Roy squeezed him against his chest and Roy felt _whole_—like he only would be complete with Edward and without him he'd be nothing but an incomplete, broken, and worthless human that's better off _rotting in a ditch_—he held Edward tighter. "I don't care," he said into the crown of golden hair, "I don't care."

"We're going to do this again. Roy…"

"I don't care." Roy let his tears fall then, tears he held back while Edward let his own loose. "Just don't leave—please, _don't leave me_. I—we can make this work-" wishful thinking and Roy knew that Ed knew that too "-we can, so please _please_ don't leave me. I love you, I love you, I love you."

Shaking hands circled his waist as Ed returned the embrace. Roy refused to loosen his hold because he was scared—so, so scared—that Ed would slip through and vanish into the night, and there was _no way_ he would let that happen. No. Never.

_"We can make this work,"_ Roy repeated and he felt Ed nod against his chest.

Wishful, wishful thinking. Apart or together; either way, they were killing each other, slowly…but surely.

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**A/N:** Hyperventilates.


End file.
